White House Decor

 WHITE HOUSE DECOR

Who promised you a Rose Garden?

It was never right.

Too informal, too muddy.

It looked like a suburban lawn

Set up with folding wooden chairs.

Not presidential.

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So we ripped out the roses and paved it.

Now it's a nice flagstone patio,

With cafe tables and big beach umbrellas

With alternating yellow and white stripes.

You could sit out there and sip margaritas.

Pretend you're at Mar-a-Lago.

The four corners display the presidential seal,

And the drains are fashioned

With grates so they look like the stripes in

The American flag.

So cute.

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And what about special events?

Setting up tents

Out on the grass

Like a traveling circus?

So trashy. No class.

So we're building a grand ballroom

Off the East Wing.

It will only cost $200 million or so,

And it will put the Hall of Mirrors

At the Palace of Versailles to shame.

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And the White House itself

Was so bland.

White, white, everywhere.

So boring.

So we're gilding everything

To go with the new Gilded Age.

Gold carpets and gold chandeliers,

Gold mantels and gold statues on them.

Golden tables and golden chairs,

Golden furniture everywhere.

Even the bathroom toilets

Are made of solid gold,

Just like at Trump Tower.

Now a king could sit on them,

Conduct cabinet meetings from them.

There's a reason it's called the Throne.

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We're also planning to paint

The boring

Old White House

Gleaming gold.

It will be like the wizard's palace

In the Wizard of Oz.

It will blaze in the sunlight

And blind you if you dare look at it.

We'll rename it The Gold House

This will cost a king's ransom,

But then, as it should,

It will look like a king's mansion.

Old King Midas

Would turn green with envy.